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Kids exam answers - hold on to your seats!

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1 Kids exam answers - hold on to your seats! on Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:17 pm

Children's Answers to Science Exam Questions
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and
the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. lol!


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2 Re: Kids exam answers - hold on to your seats! on Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:22 pm

Funny Test Answers From Children - Mainly Science and Health

  • When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
  • For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
  • For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
  • For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
  • For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.
  • We
    say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets
    blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
  • If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
  • There
    is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because
    of so much population stomping around up there these days.
  • Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
  • A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
  • To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
  • South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
  • To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
  • Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
  • Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
  • * "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
  • Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
  • We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
  • Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
  • Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
  • The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
  • Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
  • To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
  • Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
  • When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.
  • It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.
  • When
    a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing
    eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.


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3 Re: Kids exam answers - hold on to your seats! on Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:22 pm

Funny GCSE Exam Answers
  • The
    Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the
    Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of
    their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

  • Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
    bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on
    Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
    reached Canada.
  • Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

  • Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
    advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
    After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

  • Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
    Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
  • Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

  • In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of
    the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also
    wrote literature.
  • Another story was William Tell, who shot
    an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

  • Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
    When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
  • It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
    invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was
    the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
    because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
    Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
  • The
    greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born
    in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
    and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies,
    and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an
    example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by
  • Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
    Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
    Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise
  • Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this
    was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for
    the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John
    Smith was responsible for all this.
  • One of the causes of
    the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the
    colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps.
    Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
    Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
    Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of
    the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
    rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against
    itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

  • Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
    domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right
    to keep bare arms.
  • Abraham Lincoln became America's
    greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born
    in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed
    the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of
    April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by
    one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was
    John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's
  • Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a
    reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book
    called Candy.
  • Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is
    chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the
  • Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions
    and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
    spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
    present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was
    Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was
    very large.
  • The French Revolution was accomplished
    before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an
    heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she
    couldn't have any children.
  • Queen Victoria was the
    longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman
    who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her
  • The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
    thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
    reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network
    of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper,
    which did the work of a hundred men.
  • Louis Pasteur
    discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote
    the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx
    became one of the Marx brothers.
  • The First World War,
    caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a
    new error in the anals of human history.

  • _________________

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    These are great Carol.

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    lol! Hilarious - do you mind if I copy and send them to my Mum - she will love them. Laughing

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    I copied them from another site, help yourself! I think they go round on emails etc.


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    7 Re: Kids exam answers - hold on to your seats! on Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:36 pm

    These are excellent - thanks Cazzy...Smile

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    Great, I had a real chuckle at them.................. I think I may have answered some of these questions LOL

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    The first time I read these I did laugh out loud! Sadly you see more and more bad grammer and spelling in publications that you would never have seen years ago, let alone blogs, forums and web sites! I guess the kids don't get taught it like we did, and there are no proof readers only Microsoft - and that speaks American!


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